Tuesday, January 25, 2011

How are YOU?

We have been blessed with an enormous amount of support - through the trials of the NICU and now in our day-to-day life.  I don't know what I would do without our families and friends who have been there for us.  I say all of this because, for the longest time, concerned family and friends would ask us how we were doing and I would say something along the lines of...  "Samuel is doing great, he's happy, healthy, and weighs (insert weight here.)  We are still working on (insert what we were working on here.)"

Recently however, the meaning of the question of "How are you?" has changed.  Now they ask, and I start in with my usual bit about how Samuel is doing and what we've overcome and what we still face; but then they say, "But how are YOU?"  ...A question that I'm sure was prompted by my more transparent posts.

Looking back now, I feel like I have a clearer perspective.  So much contributed to how I had been feeling (including months of sleep deprivation, being away from Michael for an extended period of time, IMMENSE stress, big decisions, normal parenting issues, probably a bit of postpartum depression, and anger.) 

As much as I needed God and as much as I trusted Him, I was angry with Him.  I felt that Michael and I had done everything right.  When so few young people save themselves for each other until marriage, we had made it a priority.  We made an effort to trust God and give Him the glory for all the miracles that He had already done in our lives.  We worked hard at so much - our marriage, our schooling, our jobs.  We trusted Him for a pregnancy even though I was told I wouldn't be able to have one.  When we did get pregnant, we trusted Him with the pregnancy and prayed over the unborn baby every day together.  What did we do wrong?

I prayed about this feeling for months and talked to Michael about it often.  He never wavered that this was EXACTLY the way God meant for it to happen.  He reminded me of the story in John about a man who was born blind.  The disciples questioned Jesus...asking if the man was born with the disability because of his parent's sin.  Jesus says, "No, neither this man, nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God may be displayed in his life."  Blindness is a tough price to pay for God's work.  Watching your son almost die in front of your eyes day after day is also a tough price.....but the more I thought about it, I realized that if Samuel's life made even the LEAST bit of eternal difference - then it was worth it.

So, to answer the question "How are YOU?".....
I am thankful.  I am blessed.  I am loved and I love more passionately than ever.  I am changed.  I can finally say, I am honestly, truthfully, and completely HAPPY. 

What a fantastic thing.


  1. God's Glory has shown out to so many through all this. People from all over the US and the world learned to come together in focused prayer. We all witnessed God's power and mercy as He guided and led you all through the immense trials. We saw the results of faith and belief and the miracles that only God could do. Did it make an eternal difference...YES..to you and to so many of us out here that you may not ever even know. It has changed you and us and Glorified God. And we Praise Him for His wonderful Provision and blessings on you and your family!

  2. ..and yes thanks for asking! How is my day? ...highly blessed just because of our Samuel. I had to get a new phone last week and so sad, because I have kept the text where your dad sent me say.." baby is born", then the next one " baby is alive", then, "sarah is fine"...and then when you mom sent me one "God is in the quite moments, I have peace right now"
    These text change our lives forever, I never could deleat them...I looked at them often as our remind of Just What God Can and Did DO!!!
    I cherish God for allowing us to keep Samuel here with and long for the day, that I do get to hold him next to my heart...it has been long but wow..God has shown us His faithfullness over and over and to Him we give all the Glory...we love you guys so much!