Wednesday, April 21, 2010

The Top



I can't tell you how great the last two days have been....

We have been blessed with a very capable and wonderful primary care nurse for Samuel. This woman is most certainly a gift from God (although I'm not sure that she realizes just how special she is.) Carolyn has been with us since the night Samuel was admitted to Children's. Unfortunately she only works three or four days a week...if only she could stay by Samuel's bedside 24/7! She has been encouraging me to begin stepping in to help with Samuel's care. At first it was taking his temperature, then changing his diaper, then holding him when he needed to calm down, and then yesterday....I got to hold him in my arms. They were having to change him into a new isolete - and while they changed out the bed, I got to hold him. I was so scared that his vitals would drop. Instead, Carolyn handed him over to me and he looked up at me with his wide eyes very calmly, like he knew exactly who was holding him. His heart rate, his oxygen level, his blood pressure.....all perfect.
Oh my goodness....I could only kiss him and tell him how much I love him.
The steroids that the doctors gave Samuel for his lungs have worked wonders. He has come way down on most of the ventilator settings. He is still at 33%...which isn't really lower, but since the other settings have dropped down, he will require more oxygen. His vitals continue to be stable and he is resting well. The x-rays look minimally better this morning. Slow progress is better than none though!
This morning the doctors did an abdominal x-ray and found that Samuel's feeding tube (tube through his mouth down to his stomach) had been pulled out a bit too far. They also noticed some unusual activity in his stomach and intestines. There appeared to be a lot of air in his tummy, and his intestines looked inflammed. As I have mentioned before, everyone is VERY cautious with Samuel's digestive tract since his bowel perforation. The doctors decided to stop feeds and get another x-ray early in the afternoon. The second x-ray showed that the intestines still weren't looking well - so they stopped feeds for the rest of the night. Hopefully, giving his digestive tract some rest will help things.
Praying for nothing to be wrong with his digestive system - that his intestines and stomach will be in good shape in the morning so that we can continue feeds. Samuel needs to grow, grow, grow in order to get off the ventilator.
Many times over the last month, people have described their time in the NICU as a roller coaster. One day is good, the next isn't. I can see what they mean. I must have been at the top of the roller coaster yesterday when I held Samuel in my arms for the first time.
I've been thinking a lot about that analogy and to be honest, it bothers me a little. When I hear it, I imagine myself clanking up the side of a big wooden roller coaster - anxious to get to the top but fearful about what is on the other side. I've learned a great deal about giving up control. I can see the drop coming and hold on, and hold on, and hold on.....but finally realize that I'm not the one in control. I never have been. Each time I realize that, I'm amazed at God's provision when the tough times do come.

14 comments:

  1. Sarah, if I cry any more tears, I'll have to redo my makeup before going to school. I am so excited and happy for you that you have been able to hold Samuel. I have waited for the day that you would be able to hold your little boy in your arms. As I am sure you have (times several thousand)!! My mom and I are continuing in our prayers for Samuel as well as you and Michael and for all those that are caring for him.

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  2. Those pictures are worth a least a thousand prayers. But this time the tears are tears of joy! The fist time a mother holds her child is precious.A memory that will stay with you a life time. Praying Samuel with get to resume feeding today. Praising God for his Love in sending you an encouraging Nurse.

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  3. Sarah, you can see the joy of that moment you got to hold and kiss Samuel for the first time written all over your face! What a blessing! We continue to pray earnestly...and believing...that God will continue to work in Samuel's precious little body and will continue to work in your and Michael's life, as well. Praise Jesus for an encouraging nurse! I know that was just one more answered prayer!

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  4. Sarah, I've never met you, but know Michael from the School of Architectue. I've been following Samuel's story and praying for him daily. I'm overjoyed to see the photos today and rejoice with you for the many answers to prayers!

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  5. My heart just swells to see Samuel in your arms...this is what we have so been praying for...God is remarkable...everyday...I can't give Him enough praise for the miracles He has done for each of us everyday - all the time...I hear praise and wonders that go beyond our thoughts...this is one of those times I say when God showed up it really showed out and it is just wondermus...yes just wondermus...God You did so GREAT...Samuel is beautiful and Sarahs smile is just breath taking...thanks so much for letting us be a part of your Miracle Sarah..continue praying for all...love ya

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  6. O Yay! I am thrilled to see that baby in his momma's arms and of course he knew who was holding him!!!

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  7. in no time little Samuel will be romping down the halls of the school and I will get to say, "Oh Sarah, he is the cutest little man!" Chase will be showing him where Gamma hides the snacks in the office... and you will wonder where time has gone. Prayers for continued healing, growing, peace, grace, mercy, rest, joy, understanding, encouragement, blessings for your little family.

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  8. Thank you for posting these intimate and priceless photos! We are celebrating this very special time with you and Mike - and crying tears of joy! Little Samuel began hearing your voice even before he was born, so I too, believe he certainly knows his mama!! Praying that he will grow and get stronger with each passing day. Thanking God for Samuel! Lynne and Jeff

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  9. The pictures are wonderful. Thank you so much for sharing your life with us. It means as much to us as our concerns for you means to you.

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  10. Sarah, Those are the most beautiful pictures I have ever seen...brought tears to my eyes and made my heart hurt with joy for you!!! This is the reason we are all praying so hard and God is hearing everyone of those prayers!! I am so glad for you and Samuel and I am praying all day everyday. Love you!!!

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  11. So glad that you got to hold your sweet boy!!!! That is so wonderful...thank you for posting this, Sarah. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU FOR KEEPING US INFORMED. Still praying :)

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  12. This is Mikey, one of Mrs. Pope's 1st grade students - you finally got too hold HIM!

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  13. I'm so happy that you were finally able to hold Samuel! I can't imagine what that moment was like for you. Thank you for posting the picture - it is priceless! Love you and we are still praying.

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  14. Priceless! So overjoyed to see you getting to FINALLY hold your baby boy & give him kisses. You know you really are blessed Sarah, if you think about it you're getting to do this early since he wasn't suppose to be here in our normal time, he came in Gods time (perfect)! It's a blessing to feel your joy from so far away & to share in Gods miracles with you & Michael! Daily & patiently you wait, but not alone & oh the rewards! We are continuing to pray Gods blessings upon you all & His continued healling & growth for Samuel!
    What a JOY! Love, Kim & Mack

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