Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Hurry up and Wait

Samuel looks more like himself today than he has in a week. I'm so happy to see his sweet little face again. There is more fluid to lose but his kidneys are working. His sodium has come down today. Not to normal levels but it's better.

We found out today that Samuel's white blood cell counts are elevated - a sign of infection in the body. The nurse took several cultures this morning. The doctor feels that the elevated numbers may be due to his body fighting the presence of the abdominal drain. We didn't hear anything back about the preliminary results of the cultures (that means that nothing has shown up yet...we will have to wait two days for the completed results.) In the meantime, they are giving Samuel several different antibiotics to proactively treat whatever is causing the elevated number white blood cells.

The abdominal drain came out this morning. Once the hole in his side has healed, they will begin feeding him.

Our doctor showed me the ultrasound picture of Samuel's brain. We looked at the clot that they have been watching - and it does look a bit smaller. He also showed me a new spot on the brain. It is in a place that babies don't usually have brain bleeds (so that's good.) The doctor isn't entirely convinced that the spot is actually there because it doesn't show up in any other shot of Samuel's brain.

Samuel is up once again on the ventilator settings (several settings this time.) Each time they go up on the ventilator, the longer it will be before they can get him off. He is at 38% oxygen - he needs to be at 21%.

Samuel is almost three weeks old. Each day that passes is harder because I love him that much more. I suppose that's what makes this situation so difficult. I wish it wasn't him. I wish it hadn't happened like this. I wish I could do something - even hold him. Instead, I sit by his isolete for hours...praying for him, watching him sleep and wrap his little fingers around the tubes that fill his bed. God gives me patience to wait and peace in knowing that He loves Samuel more than I do.


  1. Thanks once again for sharing, can't wait to sit with you and Samuel and us pray together...God is so gracious to us to show us just how much he loves each of His children...You are so walk with Christ is amazing to each of us. I had to come to reality the other night and realized my baby is 26 year old and I can't imagine him being there instead of you. You and Michael amaze me everyday and we all grow stronger in Christ because of you living it everyday...we love you...Deb

  2. You are truely going through one of the toughest things that a mother can go through. Take care of yourself as much as you can. It's so easy to get lost because you don't/won't leave your child. We can pray over you and for you and sympathize. I found it so important to talk to other women on my floor that were going through the same thing. My 4 year old and I pray for Samuel every night and he says "Please heal Samuel and help him to grow big like me". This from the same four year old's mouth that was in a similar situation (not as critical) beginning June 4, 2005. We don't know you personally but we love and pray for you and your family still.

  3. Sarah,
    Know that we are all out here praying for Samuel, Michael, and you. You know my birth story with Emma. I can only imagine how you feel each day looking in and knowing that you cannot hold him at this time. Everytime I picture Samuel in my mind I see big strong hands holding him gently,God, you have come so far and yes we know it will still be a long road, but keep in mind those strong hands holding him gently for you until you and Michael get your chance. I miss you and wish I could comfort you. Keep up your strength.

  4. I was speechless as I read your update today. My heart swells and overflows with tears for all that I have no words to express. All I can say is Samuel is in God`s hands and he is being used to draw hearts to a deeper prayer life. I am continuing to watch over this little life and his whole family in prayer, believing to see the goodness of God in the land of the living.

  5. Sarah, once again you have made me cry. Only mothers can truly understand what is going on. I agree with Mary Jo, God is holding him right now. He is also holding you and Michael. Remain praying and keep your eyes on Jesus for that will give you the peace and patience that you need. 3 weeks......WOW!! Can't believe it has been that long. But yet, Sarah, he is still so young. This is going to take time, but we are with you in thoughts and prayers. We miss you!

  6. Continuing to pray for you all. I know each person's NICU journey is different, but I think the feeelings a mama has in that place are pretty similar. One thing that got me through the nighttime moments of leaving my baby in the hospital was knowing that Jesus was right beside him. Praying you sense His presence more and more.