Getting to Know the Duggars

In September of 2009, we decided to run a 5K with some friends of ours.  It was at that race that I met Michelle Duggar for the first time...and to be perfectly honest, I had no idea who she was.  Michelle had given my friend her medal and had been kind enough to pose for a photo with us.  She was about four months pregnant with Josie, and I (unknowingly) just a few weeks pregnant with Samuel.  We didn't speak, and I didn't think much of the encounter.

It was six months later that I ran into Michelle again at Arkansas Children's Hospital.  Samuel had just been transferred from UAMS and was a very, very sick little boy.  Michael and I had just received some terrible news; Samuel had a brain bleed.  At the time, we didn't know how severe it was, only that it was there.  I don't think either of our eyes were dry as we stepped out of the room and into the hallway.  We put away our gowns and I glanced up to see another mother smiling at me sympathetically as she held her baby.  It was Michelle.  I didn't remember her from our short meeting a few months before and only noticed her then because she was the first smiling face that I had seen since Samuel's birth.

Days went by and I saw her often: in the pump room, in the waiting room, in the cafeteria.  Eventually a friend introduced us to Jim Bob as we passed him in the hallway.  Regardless, it wouldn't have taken me long to realize that Michelle wasn't just another NICU mom.  Everyone seemed to hold their breath around her.  

At some point, they moved Josie into the same room as Samuel - a room usually reserved for the sickest and tiniest babies.  From what I understand, it gave the Duggars more privacy from curious onlookers.  Michelle was usually accompanied by two of her girls who were just as friendly and outgoing as she was.  They always remembered to ask other parents about the progress of their sick children.

As you can imagine, I didn't spend much time thinking about the Duggars during our NICU stay.  We continued to receive more and more discouraging news regarding Samuel's health.  He had just begun to recover from renal failure, only to suddenly crash again.  This time from a staph infection.  

That day I took a break from the situation to sit outside in the sunshine and to call Michael (who was more than four hours away at his job in NW AR.)  People were passing but I wasn't paying attention as I sat on the bench and sobbed to him over the phone.  I felt this enormous weight of responsibility for Samuel but couldn't do a thing to help him.  When we finished, I hung up the phone and noticed that Michelle was standing a few feet away from me looking very concerned.  She asked if Samuel was OK and said she said she was worried that he had passed away.  She wondered if she could pray with me, and when we finished, I hugged her.  I suppose that must seem strange to some people...but I'm a huggy person and she seemed to be as well.

A few days later, we were in the NICU room at the same time and I took the opportunity to thank her for praying with me.  I was surprised when the NICU counselor ushered me away from Michelle and said that I couldn't speak to her.  I was embarrassed and felt like I had been treated as a fan instead of a mother looking to thank someone for their support.  Michelle also seemed surprised by the counselor's actions and later assured me that she would love to talk whenever I wished.

On Samuel's 35th day, I made my morning call into the NICU as I scrambled into my clothes.  I was in need of a shower, and I'm not entirely sure I brushed my hair that day...but Samuel's belly had looked unusually swollen the night before, and I was anxious to get to the hospital to check on him.  As I arrived and settled in, the film crew showed up and talked to Michelle and Jim Bob behind a closed curtain.  I was pretty adamant about avoiding any further scolding, so I buried my head in the book I was reading.  After a few minutes, Michelle came by and asked if I would mind speaking to her while the camera crew filmed us.  I self-consciously answered a few questions (and somehow managed to say Samuel's gestation wrong) and we prayed over him.  Then the crew went back to Josie's bedside.  I was pretty embarrassed - television is not my cup of tea.

We had many more brief encounters with the Duggars over the following weeks.  Meals in the cafeteria, conversations in passing, a few more moments of prayer.  I'll never forget how Michelle prayed aloud when Samuel's vitals were crashing after his ventilator tubing came apart.  As the nurses and respiratory therapists were scrambling around his bedside, she was urgently praying for Samuel as she rocked Josie in her arms from their spot in the corner.  It  touched me that her first reaction was to pray for him, because sadly, mine was to freak out!

When it came time for Josie to go home, we exchanged contact information and promised to get in touch in the months to come.  We made plans on multiple occasions for dinner...but it never seemed to work out.  One time they cancelled because of a scheduling conflict.  Another time we miscommunicated and accidentally stood them up (oops!)  A few months later we tried again, but the whole of the Duggar clan was sick.  And they cancelled once more so they could mourn the loss of baby Jubilee.

We finally made it work this spring.  Unlike the previous plans, we were asked if the film crew could join us.  The crew wanted to come to our house for an interview then follow us to the Duggars for dinner...but thankfully that didn't work out (we were remodeling our living room and it wasn't ready for national television!)

Once we made it to their house, everything was a blur.  Having a film crew around is a really strange experience!  I spent my time corralling Samuel (who was cranky that day as well as overwhelmed by the vast number of people surrounding him), answering questions for the crew, and helping to make the tater tot casserole.  Sometimes I had to repeat myself for the camera or they would ask me to say something again in another setting.  If I awkwardly say, "I'm hungry" at one point, you'll know why.  Michael also entertained Samuel off and on, spoke with Jim Bob, and just generally stayed as far away from the camera as possible.

It was very special to see Josie and Samuel together - two peas in a pod.  I love how they are both just typical two year olds (if not for a few lingering preemie quirks.)  It was also so good to speak to Michelle and Jim Bob about things that only a parent of a micro preemie could really understand.

I've not posted much about the Duggars previously for a few reasons.  1) I didn't want to invade their privacy.  2) People assume that since I've had some contact with them, that I know everything about them.  I don't.  In fact, since I've only seen one episode of their show, I can guarantee that 90% of the population knows more about them than I do.  I do know that they are very sweet people with good hearts who are trying to share Christ's love.  I'm not going to debate any aspect of their lives that others find controversial.  3) As happy as I am to share Samuel's story with others, I'm not excited for everyone to watch us on television!  That is why I have waited until after the episode aired tonight to post this!

And that's the story of how we met the Duggars!