Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Conversation of Pregnancies

I love blogging for many reasons.  I love being connected with others.  I love sharing Samuel's progress. 

It's also the best therapy.

Life has been pretty amazing lately.  I'm sure you can tell, because the blog has been lacking.  (Sadly, drama makes for the best writing material.)  For the first time, I'm not stressed about Samuel - his health or his development.  That's not to say that there isn't a lot more to overcome.  It's just that all of those BIG milestones that I was worried about have finally passed.  He made it through his first winter.  He's walking.  He's talking.  He's growing.

As for my own issues...I'm working on figuring out this new person that I've become.  It's disconcerting to realize that the things I used to love, now hold little value...and to find that what I thought were my defining characteristics, are not the same today.  I'm in the process of figuring out what I enjoy and who I enjoy spending my time with (and even what I enjoy talking about.)  It seems like there are still a great number of topics that leave me speechless or uneasy - especially those revolving around pregnancy and children. 

Thus begins the therapy part of blogging...

Pregnancy and children are the fall-back topics in any woman's conversation repertoire.  They are the topics that connect most women despite their backgrounds.  But when a group of women have a conversation about their pregnancies...I'm not sure how to feel.  I'm not struggling with the jealous feelings that I was dealing with six months ago - I just don't know if I'm 'allowed' to contribute to the conversation.  Did my tiny six months of pregnancy count?  Do I know what it's like to be pregnant even though I didn't have much of a pregnancy?  Is my birth story worth sharing if it wasn't the norm?  When a group of women are comparing what their labor was like, do I just keep my mouth shut and listen politely?  If I do share, does it come across like I'm trying to outshine them since our story is rather dramatic (even though I REALLY wish it wasn't?)

And the topic of children isn't much easier.  From the simplest question of, "How old is your child?" to parenting with a micropreemie is just different.

So for now, I'm going to try to steer clear of the topics of pregnancy and kids.

But you know, one day I'd really like to know if it's OK for me to contribute.


  1. Seriously, Sarah! I wish we lived closer to each other. It has taken me these two years to finally feel confident in my own story and my own skin with regards to my pregnancy/birth/parenting story. It has taken a lot of navigating friendships and groups of women to find out where I fit and sometimes, where I don't. I am OK with that now. Sometimes, certain groups just aren't for me. I so relate to your paragraph about figuring out the person you have become. I am totally and completely a new person (and hopefully improved!) person since having Jack. I care about different things. I have a different perspective. But I'm also still me. Anyway, I really appreciated this post.

  2. I totally understand your thoughts on this one. It's not that I'm jealous anymore either; it's just uncomfortable. It is tricky to contribute to the conversation because our stories are definitely "scene stealers". I'm not sure how long it takes to actually feel comfortable talking about it among typical pregnancy/birth stories. It's helped me a lot to have a preemie support group where we live. Do you have one there? I definitely recommend it if one is available or start your own - that's what I did.