Friday, December 3, 2010


When Samuel was born 8 and half months ago, I knew a time would come when I would set out to find other stories of micropreemies - to give me hope for his future and a realistic expectation of what his life might be like. What challenges he might face. I certainly didn't go looking right away. We were too focused on his survival to worry about the future....getting through the next day was enough.

The time for those stories came when we made it home from ACH. I googled and read story after story....looked at picture after post after blog post and came across a few stories that caught my attention.

I know I don't have to tell you....this is hard and it's taken a long time to work through it. I wish I could say that I'm completely over it. Some days it only takes an insensitive conversation with someone, a news broadcast about a sick child, a glowing pregnant woman, a bad day with Samuel....and my feet are knocked out from under me. I have to pick myself back up, pray for peace and healing, and keep going. I wonder if being a mom makes you feel things more acutely?

After a time, I found a few blogs about micropreemies born at 24 weeks - the same as Samuel. It's nice to read from the hearts of other moms who have experienced parenthood the same way we have. Women who know the uncertainty and stress of raising a child far more complicated than the average. A child who has the odds stacked against it.

Ironically, I've learned a lot about myself from these women who write. Or rather, I've learned how I don't want to BECOME. I can't tell you how easy it would be to look at the world from our perspective and become REALLY bitter.....and that's exactly what these women are. After YEARS. Of course they love their children, but they are also SO SO SO sad and hurt over the early birth and the following complications. As much as I can relate to them, I DON'T want to be like them. I want to find healing for all of this and I WANT to move on. I don't want my happiness to be directly determined by Samuel's health. I want to have and show God's joy and peace. I want contentment.

Contentment has been something that I've been focusing on recently. I've been reading verses related to the topic and one of my favorites comes from Philippians - Paul is writing from prison...

"...I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength."

I want to TOTALLY rely on God's strength...His mercy...and His plan for us. I want to be truly content with this life. Until then, I am at the very least THANKFUL and HOPEFUL.....both of which come from Him too.


  1. Yall are such a blessing, inspiration, and encouragement to so many. Its interesting to watch our babies grow into little people and wonder how God is going to use their story for his kingdom. There is much of God's glory in Samuel's life, and I know when you "treasure up all these things and ponder them in your heart" like Mary did that it can be almost too much to bear. But -also like Mary- you have been so faithful to trust and obey and rise up to life that he has called yall to. Keep waiting on the daily bread, God will continue to sustain you :) p.s. Samuel is one of the only babies that I'll admit is even cuter than Annika! haha.

  2. I have no idea about the hardships and day to day stuff you do as a mom, but I do wanna share this with you.

    My Grandma was a VERY bitter woman towards life. The verse in Proverbs that says "A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones." is literally true. My grandma at the end of her life had holes in her bones, spots on her brain, and had kidney failure. My Aunt who said she didn't want ANYTHING to do with my grandma or be like her...turned out just like her. She focused so much on what she didn't want to be, that she turned into it.

    Keep your focus upwards and to people who share encouragement and who find things to be thankful for when it seems like there is nothing to be happy about. Don't focus on those women who are bitter. Know that you may share things in common, but take only the advice of circumstances, not their outlook.

    I love you!!

  3. Great post Sarah! What a great outlook. Way to 'rise above'!


  4. Hi Sarah! I just stumbled onto your blog and just wanted to encourage you. I have 3 children (4, 17 m, 3 m) and were not preemies thankfully, but I have learned that all children are so different. It is so hard not to compare them. Just remind yourself you just want to see progress :) My 17 month old didn't sit until almost 8 months and hasn't been walking too long. Also, my 3 month old is going to catch the 17 month old in weight soon:) They just seem to do things on their own time schedule. God has it all figured out and HE is teaching me to trust Him alone. Your Samuel is a doll and I know you are BLESSED to be his mother.