Prayer

Day 46

Weight: 2 pounds 8 ounces

Last night I went back to the hospital after shift change to check on Samuel. While the nurse was working with him, the ventilator tubing came apart and Samuel was without air for a minute or two. The alarms were going off - his pulse dropped and the oxygen in his body was incredibly low. One nurse ran and got a respiratory therapist and eventually it was hooked back up. This was the third time that it has happened since he has been at Childrens.
I couldn't help crying from frustration. Samuel has so much to deal with already! How many times can my heart break for him? What else will he have to go through? What damage has been done by human hands? We can only believe that the prayers that have been prayed for Samuel are great enough to cover these mistakes.
I hate to bring her up...just because I know what it must seem like, but Michelle Duggar has been a huge encouragement to me in the last couple of weeks. We have had the opportunity to get to know each other and I feel very blessed that God has put her in my life. While Samuel's alarms were sounding in the room and nurses were running around, Michelle began to pray aloud from her corner. She prayed for Samuel until things calmed down, thanked God, then continued taking care of her own little one.
I spent the rest of the night calling into the hospital checking on Samuel, dreaming bad dreams, and just generally feeling discouraged. I wonder if I'm strong enough for this situation. I wonder if my prayers are enough. I want the people who work with our family on a day to day basis to see God in our lives....to see the strength and hope we get from Him. Can they see that through my tears?

The doctor continues to increase Samuel's feeds each day....for which we are very grateful. Often times, after babies have a perforated bowel, feeds are a long process. Samuel seems to be doing exceptionally well. The doctors also went down on one of his ventilator settings again. His chest x-rays continue to look better....and the plan for the end of the week hasn't changed. Dr. Arrington is waiting to see how Samuel does with his ventilator for the rest of the week.

Since the beginning of this situation, any time something comes up with Samuel, nurses and doctors and hospital staff have all said "This is normal for a preemie." I've responded with "I know that, but I expect him to be exceptional because he is mine." I was thinking today that my statement isn't true.
Samuel's story in the Bible reminds me of that. Hannah prayed for a son and got Samuel (just as I prayed for my Samuel), but then gave him up to God when he was born. My Samuel isn't exceptional because he is mine.....he is exceptional because he is Gods. We as Christians expect and hope to see God move in Samuel's life in miraculous ways because he is a child of God.

As always, I'm asking for your prayers. I'm almost scared to hope for a good ending to our week - but at the same time, I'm desperately praying for everything to work out wonderfully.