Tuesday, May 4, 2010


Day 46
Weight: 2 pounds 8 ounces

Last night I went back to the hospital after shift change to check on Samuel. While the nurse was working with him, the ventilator tubing came apart and Samuel was without air for a minute or two. The alarms were going off - his pulse dropped and the oxygen in his body was incredibly low. One nurse ran and got a respiratory therapist and eventually it was hooked back up. This was the third time that it has happened since he has been at Childrens.
I couldn't help crying from frustration. Samuel has so much to deal with already! How many times can my heart break for him? What else will he have to go through? What damage has been done by human hands? We can only believe that the prayers that have been prayed for Samuel are great enough to cover these mistakes.
I hate to bring her up...just because I know what it must seem like, but Michelle Duggar has been a huge encouragement to me in the last couple of weeks. We have had the opportunity to get to know each other and I feel very blessed that God has put her in my life. While Samuel's alarms were sounding in the room and nurses were running around, Michelle began to pray aloud from her corner. She prayed for Samuel until things calmed down, thanked God, then continued taking care of her own little one.
I spent the rest of the night calling into the hospital checking on Samuel, dreaming bad dreams, and just generally feeling discouraged. I wonder if I'm strong enough for this situation. I wonder if my prayers are enough. I want the people who work with our family on a day to day basis to see God in our lives....to see the strength and hope we get from Him. Can they see that through my tears?

The doctor continues to increase Samuel's feeds each day....for which we are very grateful. Often times, after babies have a perforated bowel, feeds are a long process. Samuel seems to be doing exceptionally well. The doctors also went down on one of his ventilator settings again. His chest x-rays continue to look better....and the plan for the end of the week hasn't changed. Dr. Arrington is waiting to see how Samuel does with his ventilator for the rest of the week.

Since the beginning of this situation, any time something comes up with Samuel, nurses and doctors and hospital staff have all said "This is normal for a preemie." I've responded with "I know that, but I expect him to be exceptional because he is mine." I was thinking today that my statement isn't true.
Samuel's story in the Bible reminds me of that. Hannah prayed for a son and got Samuel (just as I prayed for my Samuel), but then gave him up to God when he was born. My Samuel isn't exceptional because he is mine.....he is exceptional because he is Gods. We as Christians expect and hope to see God move in Samuel's life in miraculous ways because he is a child of God.

As always, I'm asking for your prayers. I'm almost scared to hope for a good ending to our week - but at the same time, I'm desperately praying for everything to work out wonderfully.


  1. Sarah I couldn't sleep & had to check on you, this is second time I'm trying to comment, something must want me to give up but I' M NOT!
    I wanted to tell you just to " Wait on the Lord"! In His time Samuel will take the next step. You are a beloved daughter to the King of Kings & I know He hears your cries & your prayers! It's only natural to show our emotions when we are frustrated watching our children in pain or having to suffer thru anything. It's a mother & fathers heart to feel this way. I still can't imagine how God felt that day.
    He loves you very much Sarah & so do we! I wish I could sit with Samuel Saturday while you went & watched his Daddy graduate, but I'm sure they wouldn't let me, I will!!!! I'm praying for you for rest & confidence & Strength (you've got it)! Praying for Samuel to grow off the vent & continue to improve daily! Wait on the Lord.... Love you!

  2. I agree also; your neighbor in NCIS is a God appointed connection! Thank you Lord for puttng your people in place!

  3. You are an amazing woman, mother, and wife. As your friend said God puts people in our life as we need them. Our prayers are with you Samuel, and each and every nurse and doctor you come in contact with. We love you and continue to pray daily.

  4. Sarah,
    I was just listening to my ipod and the song You Raise Me Up by Josh Groban came on. I could not get you out of my mind as I was listening to the words. God is raising you and Samuel up think of all that he has prepared for him. Hold your head high and continue to expect the best for him. I Love You Girl.

  5. Still praying that all is well for you to feel comfortable enough to see your husband graduate. Thanking God for His good plans!

  6. Sarah,

    I am always praying for you! I think it is great to have Michelle Dugger there to help. I think it is amazing how she went through what you are going through now and the Godly women she is has to be encouraging. Thinking of you often.

  7. Dearest Sarah...I can't add much more than everyone else has said so beautifully. Stay strong honey...God has obviously got everything all in His plan. When things seem to be going wrong, they get put right by just the right person showing up, the right Dr., the right nurse, the right circumstance. I wish Samuel and the family hadn't had to go through all this, but God has a reason for it that we don't see yet. I do know that a huge group of people have been united and bonded in prayer. We have learned to pray persistantly and with all our hearts, and stay focused on that prayer. God is using Samuel and you already in a mighty way to touch and teach so many people. I pray continually and I will not stop. You are precious to God and to me!! Stay strong...you have an army of prayer warriors all around you.