Hurt and a Good Story

Another day, another weight.....9lbs 3oz! I always try to write the weight first because that's what everyone asks about the most. I'm guessing that Samuel is probably about 4 lbs behind where he should be at this point. Not too bad considering all that he has been through! He's not been shy about eating recently either. This morning he took 110mls instead of his usual 80mls.
After a few weeks of eczema lotions, a lot of helpful advice, and several other remedies, Samuel's rash is finally under control.....thank goodness. He's feeling better.
I keep thinking that he must be teething...but how can that be? He's nearly 6 months old but only 2 and a half months adjusted age. Babies don't usually begin cutting teeth until they are at least 4 or 6 months old right? His gums look like they are stretched tight and he's been far crankier than usual this week. Someone told me that the best way to tell when he will teethe is to ask the grandparents if they remember when their babies teethed (as if anyone could remember the specific month 25 years after it happened!)
Thank you to those of you who responded to my post a few weeks ago about the good things that have come from Samuel's story. Some of your responses made me cry - they were so sweet. I've taken everyone's message (whether it was written on the blog, email, Facebook, or just spoken to me) and have put them together in a little book to keep for the future. I hope to keep adding to it as time passes.
The past few weeks at home have posed some new challenges for me. Samuel is doing exceptionally well and I am very proud of him. I don't think there are words to describe how thankful I am. Despite that, there are things that I am still working on overcoming. At Children's I was rather preoccupied with the day-to-day happenings of Samuel - I didn't have much time to think about what else was going on in our left-behind normal life. Now that we are home I've been thrust into a world where it seems like everyone is pregnant or having healthy babies.
Not too long before I had Samuel, I found out that a very good friend of mine was pregnant as well. We celebrated that we would share our pregnancies with each other. This friend, who will give birth to her baby girl in the coming weeks is a great woman and I am thrilled that she will make it to term. However, there was/is a part of me that hurts terribly each week she makes it further from my 24. After all, I had prayed and hoped for my pregnancy my whole life. I love her and would not treat her any differently because of the way I have been feeling.
Before my pregnancy, I was acquaintances with a girl who was trying to get pregnant (and ran into a few difficulties doing so.) I made an effort to pray for her every day because I knew what it felt like to want a baby....I had worried about my own potential inability for years. When, a few months later, I excitedly announced my pregnancy, she became rude and disrespectful. I wouldn't dream of treating anyone that way.
But it still hurts. It hurts that this girl who treated me badly is now further along in her pregnancy than I made it. It hurts that so many of my good friends are now pregnant. It hurts that I missed out on so many experiences and in their place was given a lot of stress and heartache.
I think a lot of people cringe at this and wonder why I'm sharing something so personal. I think some people may say that I'm not grateful or that my faith isn't what it should be or that I'm not relying on God like I need to. The truth is that even the people with the MOST faith (which I don't claim to have) hurt. The truth is that God takes the worst circumstances and makes them into something good. The truth is that as a believer, I know that this hurt will pass and that I have someone there for me. Granted, at my worst times its hard to remember all of this but it's easy to see how far Samuel has come - and that gives me peace. If GOD can take Samuel from death's door - He can certainly see me through this tough time. And one day, when I'm pass this storm, I'll be sure to tell you what good has come from it.

Because it's going to be a good story.