Tuesday, October 23, 2012

The Last Five Days

Forgive the poor writing that this post will no doubt consist of, but I'm very tired...it's been a busy five days.

Friday afternoon I began experiencing abdominal pain that felt suspiciously like contractions.  A few hours without relief sent us to the emergency room at Willow Creek Women's Hospital (a local hospital, not associated with the doctor I've been seeing in Little Rock.)  When we first arrived, the monitor showed more  'uterine irritability' than actual contractions, but as the hours passed, the waves became more pronounced and closer together.  By 1am, the contractions were about a minute apart.  During this time they gave fluids and demerol+phenergan through an IV to hydrate and sedate, but the contractions did not stop.  An ultrasound showed that my cervix had thinned significantly but was not dilated.  Around 3am, both the emergency room doctor and the on-call doctor with the hospital soberly approached my bedside to tell us that there was nothing left to be done.  They would not give medicine to stop labor at only 20 weeks and 5 days.  The doctor said that he would consult with my high risk doctor in Little Rock and would give us a call as soon as he could.  In the meantime, he sent us home and told us to return only when labor had intensified.  We made it home around 4am...contracting every two to three minutes.

Saturday went quickly.  We slept in late and I had contractions off and on during the day.  I was so frustrated by the lack of action and I wasn't ready to give up.  I knew that some doctors DO give medicine to stop labor at 20 weeks.  We decided to take a risk and chance the drive to Little Rock the next morning...not knowing if I had dilated in the meantime.

During the drive, the contractions picked up again.  By the time I was put on the monitor at UAMS, they were back to being every minute or so.  We learned that there was a possibility that I had an infection but my cervix was miraculously still closed.  They also did a fetal fibronectin test to determine if I would deliver the baby in the next day or two - surprisingly it came back negative.  The doctor seemed to think that perhaps the ultrasound that showed my cervix thinning may have been incorrect....apparently the cervix can look shorter if it is looked at during a contraction.  I was discharged without any further intervention than a bottle of antibiotics and told to make an appointment with my doctor soon.  Despite that, we felt optimistic that we had a possible cause of the contractions and a reassurance that I would not deliver the following day.

We stayed in Little Rock and waited all day Monday to see my high risk doctor there.  I don't know what I was expecting to hear from him, but it wasn't encouraging news.  As we had been told by other doctors, he would not use any medication to stop labor at this point.  He felt convinced that if we used it now, it would lose it's effectiveness after a mere four days...four days that would not get us to viability (23 weeks and 5 days.)  He would not place a cerclage because I was contracting and would just tear through it.  It was obvious that he was upset that he couldn't offer us more...and that he simply did not understand why my body has started this process without any known cause.

I had the choice to stay in Little Rock on bedrest, or to come home on bedrest (pretty much what I've been doing for the last few weeks anyway.)  I can't tell you what a difficult decision this was for us.  It's too hard to describe....all of it centered around one crucial point.  Viability.  Viability.  Viability.  We know WAY TOO MUCH about this subject and I must say...ignorance is bliss.  Eventually we decided to come back home and wait...for hours, days, weeks, or months.  It is out of our control and completely in God's hands.

In the meantime, I will cherish each and every kick and punch that our little Annalee throws...and pray as much as I can for God to step in, stop these contractions, and give us a miracle again.  

Not just viability....much, much, much further.



35 comments:

  1. Hi Sarah, saw you on TV and tearfully read your whole blog one night (I stayed up until 5 am reading!). I was so moved by Samuel's story and your telling of it. I just wanted to let you know that I'm so sad to hear this news but I will be praying for you, Michael, Samuel and little Annalee.

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  2. Praying right along with you!

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  3. I'm sorry :( Thoughts and prayers that it is just and infection and the contractions will stop and you will reach viability and beyond {{hugs}}

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  4. Sarah, we have been praying nonstop for you and will continue to do so.

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  5. There are no good words to say beyond how hard I am praying for you and Annalee. I came across your blog months ago and so admire the mother you are. I will be praying constantly for viability and more.
    Heather

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  6. I have read a little bit of your story and just wanted to stop by and say I'm so sorry you are going through this. I started having contractions at 18 weeks with my twins. I was admitted to the hospital at 22 weeks, but I remember laying at home feeling every.single.contraction and feeling so helpless. We made it to 25 weeks, but lost one of our twins shortly after birth. I will definitely have you in my prayers as I know how hard it is to sit and wait. I hate the cruel "viability" word. Stay in there little Annalee!!!

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  7. Praying very hard for every minute every day every month... we love u all

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  8. I am a good friend of Jessi's and have been reading along since she linked to you. I will be praying hard for Annalee to stay in, for God to pour His peace on you and your family and for faith and strength.

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  9. Praying for you and yours. I'm so sorry you are going through this AGAIN!

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  10. you know i get this whole story. praying praying praying for weeks and months for Annalee. love you.

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  11. Praying that little Annalee continues to develop and grow to term.

    Peace

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  12. Good vibes sent your way! God bless.

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  13. Praying for your family.....David Rivera's mom

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  14. I came across your blog via Sabra Bird's facebook page. I will be praying for you and your entire family.

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  15. Oh my...not news I wanted to see! Prayers for things to settle down. Stay put Annalee!

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  16. Keeping you, Annalee and your whole family in my thoughts and prayers. Thank you for the updates.

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  17. I am a NICU nurse, I am the Mom of a 26 weeker and I recently lost a daughter to PPROM as well. My mission is to get the message across to the medical field that more needs to be done. Regardless if Annalee is at viability or not she is your daughter and EVERYTHING should be done by them to ensure that they have tried it all. Nifedipine, Indocin, Magnesium Sulfate. These are ALL meds that can be used before viability to hopefully slow down or stop your contractions. Research them on the internet and demand that you are given the best care and every option is placed before you. I will be praying for you, your family and Annalee. Much love. xo xo

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  18. I came across your blog from a random post on facebook, asking for prayers. I am the proud mother of a 29 weeker with Cerebral Palsy, who is now 19 months old, and also a 23 weeker who is coming up on her 8 month birthday. From one preemie mom to another, we are praying our hearts out for you and your sweet baby girl!

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  19. shedding tears and sending strength and prayers. Stay put sweet baby girl.

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  20. From one micro-preemie mom to another......Praying for you, Annalee, your whole family continuously!!!

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  21. Joining those who are already interceding on your behalf! Praying these prayers are tangible for you and yours, and that you may rest in the peace that only He can bring!

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  22. I am praying for you and I am hoping to God that baby Annalee continues cooking. I did cry reading this because it is so close to home having had a 24 weeker last year and expecting in April next year. I continue to pray for you and yours.

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  23. I am praying for you and your sweet, precious little girl!

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  24. Praying so hard for you and Annalee honey!!! This breaks my heart that you are going through it again. Sending you all the love and prayers I possibly can!!!!

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  25. I was also on bedrest from 8 weeks ("light" bedrest) until I was admitted at 20 weeks. I had two IV's and a catheter and was not allowed up for anything. My water broke and it was too soon for steroids. My little son was born at 22weeks 4 days, just 3 days shy of that magic 23 weeks mark. They gave me several drugs to stop my labor (even though they didnt last for long). I will be saying a prayer for you. Little Samuel is a miracle and we will all just have to pray for a second miracle for you!

    Sabrina

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  26. How are you holding up now? I hope for all the best for you and your child. May you go through this ordeal with all the love and strength your family and friends give you. It would be best that you consult your doctor for possible meds that could relieve you, but not endanger the child. I agree with April to research for possible treatments.

    Aubrey Holloway

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  27. I have been reading your blog for months but this is my first time commenting. I just wanted you to know that you are being prayed for!

    Melissa

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  28. I saw a prayer request for you and clicked through to your blog. I'm the Mum of a premmie. I will pray that the Doctors taking care of you can do all in their power to keep your beautiful daughter 'in'.

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  29. Sarah, Matt and I continue to pray for you and your sweet daughter!

    I wanted to let you know that I nominated you for a blog award on my blog. I hope you can participate! It's a fun way to encourage bloggers you like to keep up the good work and I really enjoy reading your blog!

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  30. I am a mom of a 32 weeker. However, I have a friend who is mom of a micro-preemie. Her second pregnancy started with contractions very early as well. She was able to find help here and carry her baby girl well past the point of viability. If you are at high risk for preterm labor or have previously had a preterm delivery, you can obtain help at the Pope Paul VI Institute. An appointment with the physicians at the Pope Paul VI Institute can be made by calling (402) 390-6600. You may also call for a long-distance telephone consultation with a registered nurse. Indicate that you are at risk for pre-term labor.

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  31. I found you on youtube and have been following your blog ever since. I am praying for you and keeping you in my heart. One day at a time..

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  32. still thinking of you all...prayers coming constantly!

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  33. I've read the whole blog in these days and been praying for both of your precious children! Hope to hear from you soon and hope there's no other news but fun celebrating Halloween.

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  34. Heartfelt prayers for all of you.

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