Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Hurt and a Good Story

Another day, another weight.....9lbs 3oz! I always try to write the weight first because that's what everyone asks about the most. I'm guessing that Samuel is probably about 4 lbs behind where he should be at this point. Not too bad considering all that he has been through! He's not been shy about eating recently either. This morning he took 110mls instead of his usual 80mls.
After a few weeks of eczema lotions, a lot of helpful advice, and several other remedies, Samuel's rash is finally under control.....thank goodness. He's feeling better.
I keep thinking that he must be teething...but how can that be? He's nearly 6 months old but only 2 and a half months adjusted age. Babies don't usually begin cutting teeth until they are at least 4 or 6 months old right? His gums look like they are stretched tight and he's been far crankier than usual this week. Someone told me that the best way to tell when he will teethe is to ask the grandparents if they remember when their babies teethed (as if anyone could remember the specific month 25 years after it happened!)
Thank you to those of you who responded to my post a few weeks ago about the good things that have come from Samuel's story. Some of your responses made me cry - they were so sweet. I've taken everyone's message (whether it was written on the blog, email, Facebook, or just spoken to me) and have put them together in a little book to keep for the future. I hope to keep adding to it as time passes.
The past few weeks at home have posed some new challenges for me. Samuel is doing exceptionally well and I am very proud of him. I don't think there are words to describe how thankful I am. Despite that, there are things that I am still working on overcoming. At Children's I was rather preoccupied with the day-to-day happenings of Samuel - I didn't have much time to think about what else was going on in our left-behind normal life. Now that we are home I've been thrust into a world where it seems like everyone is pregnant or having healthy babies.
Not too long before I had Samuel, I found out that a very good friend of mine was pregnant as well. We celebrated that we would share our pregnancies with each other. This friend, who will give birth to her baby girl in the coming weeks is a great woman and I am thrilled that she will make it to term. However, there was/is a part of me that hurts terribly each week she makes it further from my 24. After all, I had prayed and hoped for my pregnancy my whole life. I love her and would not treat her any differently because of the way I have been feeling.
Before my pregnancy, I was acquaintances with a girl who was trying to get pregnant (and ran into a few difficulties doing so.) I made an effort to pray for her every day because I knew what it felt like to want a baby....I had worried about my own potential inability for years. When, a few months later, I excitedly announced my pregnancy, she became rude and disrespectful. I wouldn't dream of treating anyone that way.
But it still hurts. It hurts that this girl who treated me badly is now further along in her pregnancy than I made it. It hurts that so many of my good friends are now pregnant. It hurts that I missed out on so many experiences and in their place was given a lot of stress and heartache.
I think a lot of people cringe at this and wonder why I'm sharing something so personal. I think some people may say that I'm not grateful or that my faith isn't what it should be or that I'm not relying on God like I need to. The truth is that even the people with the MOST faith (which I don't claim to have) hurt. The truth is that God takes the worst circumstances and makes them into something good. The truth is that as a believer, I know that this hurt will pass and that I have someone there for me. Granted, at my worst times its hard to remember all of this but it's easy to see how far Samuel has come - and that gives me peace. If GOD can take Samuel from death's door - He can certainly see me through this tough time. And one day, when I'm pass this storm, I'll be sure to tell you what good has come from it.

Because it's going to be a good story.


  1. Ilove Samuel's new picture! He is such a beautiful baby and a true miracle of what the Lord can do when we put our faith in him. When my mom went into premature labor, she was told to go home, come back when she was in full labor. She was bluntly told the baby would be born dead. This happened when she was about 22 weeks along. She held on for 6 weeks, tryng not to move. (I always thought it was in the third month - but my mom clarified) William was born at 28 weeks and weighed 2 lbs 11 oz. This "baby" will now be 26 October 15. We had so many additional miracles come our way as he fought for his life. Even after finally being able to come home for the first time. Back then they told us we could not go out for 2 years. No matter the challenges, we always put our faith in the Lord as you have. Sarah, you have no idea how much I admire you. Please call on me if you ever need a helping hand.

  2. Ok, as a mom a there are a few things I do remember..Yes, I did breast feed back in those day and yes remember well that Derrek got his 1st teeth at 3 mths...teeth marks on the tata's not good.. so soon after I stop breast feeding..Samuel could have some of our family traits and be just like ya girl.

  3. It's normal to grieve for what you lost - a normal pregnancy. It will fade in time. This can be a difficult adjustment time for any new mother so emotional ups and downs are normal. It is possible as Deb said for teething to occur this early. Average is just that average and not the ends of the Bell curve. A very few babies even have a tooth or two at birth.

    Four pounds might be generous for how far behind Samuel is. I had a 38 weeker who only weighed 7 pounds at a month and 9 pounds at two months. Granted she was very small but still considered within normal limits. It's good to hear that Samuel has such a good appetite. He'll keep catching up.

  4. First I think Samuel looks wonderful in that picture. Secondly I think you are allowed to feel cheated, you were. Thank God everything turned out great and you have a beautiful son now.

  5. Sweetheart, after all that you have been through in the past 6 months,you have every right to feel sorrow for those lost are only normal and human. As he grows and thrives, those feelings will diminish and be replaced with wonderful new experiences. He and you have all come so far and had so many miracles that it has been overwhelming. It's going to take some time to get settled back into your new reality. All will come together...You are so very loved, and we are all behind you with our prayers and love. Take a deep breath several times a day and remind yourself how far you have come. Praying as always for you!!!!!