Sunday, August 15, 2010

Five Months Ago - Delivery

As I mentioned in the previous you might not want to read this. Also those of you who don't care to read about labor and delivery.

I had been told that once my water broke, things would move quickly. I had no idea how quickly they meant. After the ultrasound, I decided that the best position for me lie in was my left side. My mom and Michael were talking in the corner and I was doing my best to try to forget how much pressure I was feeling.
I wiggled slightly in the bed and suddenly my water broke with an audible pop. It was the oddest feeling. I felt such a relief from the pressure that I was momentarily giddy. I told my mom and Michael that it had broke and it seemed like time froze. It was like all of us had to re-group for a second. My mom jumped up and hit the call button. A lazy voice came over the speaker asking what she could do. My mom said that my water had just broken and the nurse asked what room we were in. None of us had any idea and we looked at each other, wondering what to say. I think it finally clicked with the nurse what was going on. She said nevermind, the speaker went off, and suddenly the room was filled with at least 15 people.
Michael and my mom came to stand somewhere around my head, and to my dismay, the male resident took the lead on the delivery. (I wasn't thrilled about having a male doctor.....especially one that looked so close to my own age.) About half a minute later, he was telling me that the baby had already come down into the birth canal - still breech. He asked me what I would like to do. I remember saying "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it." I wanted what was best for the baby. I honestly didn't feel scared.....just tense and determined. I know that Michael felt the same way as he grabbed for my hand. My mom was holding on to Michael as she prayed aloud for me and the baby. The doctor told me that it would cause as much trauma to the baby to do a c-section now that he was already down in the birth he opted for a regular delivery. A nurse I hadn't seen before asked the doctor if I needed a epidural or pain medicine. He said there wasn't time. I wouldn't have done an epidural anyway.
My nurse for the day (the bossy, negative one) pretty much took charge of the room at that point. They couldn't hear the heartbeat of the baby anymore and everyone was telling me that I had to get him out quickly. I remember thinking that I wish I had had the opportunity to take a few classes before delivering. I didn't even have time for a few practice pushes to figure it out. I still had ahold of Michael's hand at that point and I was told to begin pushing. The nurse yelled at me to let go of him, to curl up around the baby, and push. I finally figured out what I was doing and began making progress quickly. By this point the nurse was on top of me, pushing down on my stomach as hard as she could. I was worried that she was going to hurt the baby. Everyone in the room was yelling "Push, momma, push!" My nurse was practically in my face yelling it and I said "I AM PUSHING!" She said something about how she knows and for me to keep pushing. If I had been in a better state of mind I would have backhanded her and told her that I was motivated enough without her help. I pushed for a grand total of ten minutes and the baby was out. The only thing I saw of him was his head full of hair as they ran with him out of the room.
While I finished in the room, my mom and Michael went to see the baby as they worked with him. They told me that they watched the baby shoot a stream of pee into one of the nurses pockets. Everyone was apparently thrilled that he had peed.
A few minutes later, Michael and my mom came back....and a few minutes after that, they wheeled in the baby to my room. Honestly I was scared to see him. What would he look like? I had missed out on four months of bonding experience in the womb...would I love him? They wheeled to my bedside and I was surprised to see that his eyes were still fused shut. He didn't look as bad as I had imagined....but he certainly didn't look like a baby either. Dr. Ross, the neonatologist, told me that I could put my hand in the isolete to touch him. At that point I started to cry. I didn't know if I wanted to and at the same time I wanted to hold him so badly. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen. You aren't supposed to see your baby, brought to you in a box, a machine breathing for it..... I felt numb. I reached my hand in and gingerly touched his hand. They wheeled him away from me and told me that I could visit him later.
The crowd of people was finally gone from my room....

1 comment:

  1. I admire the strong woman that you are...keeping you in my prayers.